great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
