my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
