Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
