Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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