3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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