Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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