i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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