I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
