Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
two words...techno handjob
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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