Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
