Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
