Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
