dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
