so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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