I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
