Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
