she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
