end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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