sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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