you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
