U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
