I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
