Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
