So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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