some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
