HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
