OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
