Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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