no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
