Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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