the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
