I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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