So drunk its hurt
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
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