morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
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You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
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When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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