peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
