1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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