just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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