I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You ruined the universe
Randomize
