Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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