I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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