u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
