I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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