I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize