And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
