Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
