Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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