had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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