I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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