You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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