She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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