Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
