Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
