Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
