billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
