he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
