I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize