matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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