My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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