is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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