Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
