This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I AM VODKA MAN
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
