Well douche your snatch and let's go!
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
