I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
...so i touched it.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
