I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize