it's too hot outside to masturbate.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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