Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
