you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
