I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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