take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
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