Already got asked if we're dating
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
