What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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