Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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