I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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