"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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