ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Randomize
