i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
