Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
