he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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