We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
